the TRUE meaning of life
HI friends, i'm pretty sure nobody reads this nowadays but thats cool, its kinda nice just to type down how you feel.

I really hope i dont get sucked into a relationship any time soon. I can tell you that i am totally turned off to the idea of one with anybody. I cant see myself with anyone i've met in the past 9 months of my life. Maybe aimee. I dunno. At first i was just interested in having phone sex with her... it had been a while since i had ingaged in ANY kind of sexual activity with anyone so i guess i took what i could get ^^

I did like her toward the last part of what i guess you could call a "pseudo relationship". It was a bad idea to do anything but phonesex and light conversation in the first place. Nothing could come from us liking eachother and later what she thinks is love for me. We live 500 miles apart, she's not moving up here anytime soon, i'm definately not going down there? Why did i continue with it and let it go as far as it did between us? i really did like her. As much as i could like someone over the phone. I told her to give it a shot with lance. Why? i wanted them to succeed. I wanted her to have someone down there so i didnt have to be in a relationship. I still felt bad when they did. Why? i guess i really did like her? or maybe its that same old "OOH SOMEBODY LIKES YOU LETS GO FOR IT" reflex thats screwed me over so many times before. Why do i bother? i always have this inner feeling of "Do you really like this person or is it just you being desperate and lunging at the first person who likes you" its always in my head. I hate relationships. I should become a monk or somthing. Anyways, i doubt i'd go for aimee if she were down here now... after this.

I dont think i'll go to Gatti's

Thursday, September 19, 2002 12:50 am

theres always a tomarrooooooooooooooowwww
ejat tje ficlm o grr; ;olr ypy s;; djoy@@@@@@@@@@ whoops, i was typing one key to the right.

I feel pretty crappy right now. i feel like i'm never going to have a meaningful relationship.... they'll all turn out the same. I'll freak out and leave them, or they'll leave me for some reason or another. All they'll ever end in is pain. My stomach is bothering me, has been ever since signed off aim.

I wonder what my friends think of me? How do they talk about me when i'm not there? My older friends... Zack, tim, leonard, stephen...and my newer ones... Ryan, baker(if i left anyone out i'm sorry, i'm kinda scatter brained right now... maybe you should hang out with me more ^^). do they consider me a good friend? Am i just a guy they hang out with on the weekends? just another ddr person?

i wonder how i treat my friends. According to ada, i treat people horribly. i guess i cant really trust people... ada was able to pretend to be my friend for close to a year and a half and i never was aware of her problems with me. i wonder if any of my friends now feel the same way.

well to sum it all up i have a very FUCK IT additude right now,

Penny Arcade
Fusion D
Animeniacs
Import Anime Logan
Zack
DJB
Daniel
K

BBQ???